Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Getting Back in the Saddle

Listening to: Bad Obsession - Guns N Roses
Mood: Calm, for now

A caveat: This post has sexual content. If you know me, are my mother, or are embarrassed by sex in general, you may want to skip it.

As I mentioned, my lovely ball and chain left for the US to take care of some urgent business. He has since returned to our home. As I also mentioned, it is taking us quite some time to get back on the same page
I am a member of the loud and proud group when it comes to sex. I love it. I have never had any physical problems related to sex.  I can count on 1 hand the number of times I failed to get it up since I was 16. Yes, yes, I’m a girl, but we do have the equivalent. Not being able to get wet enough to enjoy it and not reaching climax counts as not getting it up in my book.

Let me tell you, people, we had a Sierra Desert situation going on the first time after he returned. It was just bad.  I’m not afraid of a little lube now and then, but that didn’t seem to help either. We awkwardly laughed it off as a hormone issue, even though I usually greet my husband much more enthusiastically after we’ve been apart. As I mentioned, I was apprehensive about his return. 2 months is a LONG time to be apart yo.

The next night, I decided we were going to try again. It was worse. My poor husband was sure that I wasn’t attracted to an old fart like him anymore (harumph, the man is 37, not 87) and I was freaking out that the sexuality that had so defined my post-puberty life was missing.  I’ve had 2 kids with very little drop of libido – in fact there’s an argument to the exact opposite – and I am desperately afraid of becoming the woman that loses her sex drive to kids and getting older.  The worst part of it, was that I wanted to want it, but just couldn’t. I felt much too estranged from my husband to get into it.

As I stewed and my husband pouted, we decided to go away for the weekend to spend some much needed time together as a family. I was anxiously googling all of the things that could be the cause. Ok, I get it, stress is a factor, but I needed solutions people, not just advice to relax! Looking back, this break was probably a good thing, but at the time it was a problem that needed solving, and how could we do that with all of us sleeping in the same room? We spent a great time together and I got to spend a little no-pressure time with the husband (he went back to work the day after he landed, so we really didn’t spend much time together until that weekend). After we got back home, I decided that I needed a little help catching my mind and body up to where I wanted them. Literotica is my go-to resource. I spent some quality time with that web site and was ready to go that evening. While it wasn’t as smooth as some of our encounters, we both counted it as a success.

We’re still not back to where we need to be with each other, physically or mentally, but we’re working on it. 2 months apart doesn’t disappear in a day.

What do you do to feel connected to your spouse after you’ve been apart? Any fun stories like mine to tell? I’d love to hear it.


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